Blessed

Back to basics, they always say. Every easy thing has proven to be difficult at first. My teacher once told me, a good thing should be constantly practised.

Eversince I stepped out of school I believe I've left behind many good traits I had. Maybe it was because there I had a watchful eye scrutinizing my every move. But out in the big world, I had forgotten, Allah is still watching.

I feared people judging me. I feared them calling me arrogant, an angel-face, masking other things. But truthfully I had forgotten, even where people never stop judging me, Allah will never judge me. He will only judge me when I return to Him.

I have but a few months left till my crucial examinations. I am not ready as of right now. But I will make this worth this time. I will be ready. I will be who I am needed to be. For myself, for my family, and for my fellow brothers and sisters in Islam whom I will be leading in my near future life.

I have forgotten that within my every suffering throughout these years, Allah had been testing me, and reserving a gift for me, a greater good to all my efforts.

I have looked around me, every time to remind myself that there are many people going through the same hardships as I am. I do not want them to fail. And lest they should fall, I must be there to catch them. If I should fall, Allah will catch me. And I must open my heart and let Him help me.

I cannot give up. Enough pain this world causes every lonely heart. I will not stand around letting it further hurt me. It's time to heal. Big time. It's time to push forward.

I have dreams for this lifetime. They will come true. I'll give it my best. I've given it my 100%, I'll give it my 110% now. Allah loves me and He promises to be there always. I know I can do this. Even if at the end, I have nothing to fight for, I need to keep my faith and just keep moving forward.

And when the time comes, I will return to Him. And I will return in ecstasy.