I have never been Your perfect servant I admit to all bounds. I have sins I can never regret enough of. Sins I thought You have forgiven, but given the punishment I receive up to this day, there must be something I'm missing.
And there are some nights I pray that You continue to punish me, considering I deserve all this pain. But someone once told me, not to ask to be punished, but to ask to be forgiven. For soon in time, I can no longer bear such pain prolonging.
And I believe You do love me, You still love me against all odds. And no one in the world will ever love me the way You do. No one has ever given me compassion the way You do. No one ever cared so much what I had to go through.
A cruel world much proven of its cruelty. A cold world where every person lives for only himself. For as long as he has no reason to live for someone else. How can such reason suffice?
Today I thought I was unfortunate. But I was clearly wrong. For there are plenty out there more unfortunate than I.
Ya Allah, how can I read these words and not wholly understand the meaning? Allahu akbar. Allah Maha Besar. How can I not see how Great You are? That I only see it, when You take away someone I most love? When You take away something most important to me? When You take away someone so close to me?
You are stronger than anyone I'll ever know. You are greater. You can take away everything from me, and yet You love me the most. How can I not see that through these simple words? Allahu akbar.
Had I been too intoxicated with worldly things that I lose some part of my sanity? Have I strayed from Your path? For I claimed with each happiness I had, I thought of You first. Allahu akbar. MasyAllah. SubhanAllah.
If ever I had forgotten, that is my mistake. I am the one to blame if I ever forget to remember You. I pray You will always forgive my flaws, and the flaws of those I love because of You. I pray for change, for better.
If I had not loved for You, there is no point to my love. Everything belongs to You. And to You everyone will return. I will return to You too someday. Until that day comes, my life goes on.
Your love for me can be measured by the amount of time I still have left. Time is a gift. For some, time strengthens the weak. For others, time heals the wounded and mends the broken. For me, time is Your sympathy. Prayers for every Muslim to live safely and happily in Your straight and narrow path to Jannah. Ameen ya Rabb.
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